It all started with a mess of mullet. Ronnie cleaned them in the back yard so I wouldn’t have fish scales all over the kitchen, which is usually the case. “Hose down the ground, too, or we’ll have flies and ants everywhere,” I cautioned.
“Can’t wait to taste this fresh fried mullet!” Ronnie happily exclaimed. One thing about Ronnie - all it takes is a good meal to keep him happy.
“Put those fish heads in a plastic garbage bag and put them in the back seat of the car. I’ll take them off in a little while when I go to visit Aunt Minnie,” I said. Fish heads in the garbage can was sure to bring a variety of critters - coons, possums, bears, and buzzards. They had a way of knocking over the can to get to the contents. I wasn’t about to have to pick up garbage that was strewn all over the yard.
Ronnie was snoring in his easy chair when I left for Aunt Minnie’s. He’d eaten half a dozen mullet with hush puppies and collard greens, so I assumed he’d be asleep for some time. I left the T.V. on so he’d keep on sleeping till I got back. This would keep him from sneaking over to the neighbor’s house for a game of cards and some beer, something I strongly disapproved of.
“You smell like grease,” Aunt Minnie said when I first walked in. Nothing gets by her nose. Unfortunately, she was in a ‘remembering’ mood, which meant listening to the same old stories she’d told me a zillion times before. I had to nod and laugh at the expected places so she’d go on and get through with the story. Finally I started to nod off in my chair and excused myself with an unlikely lie about having to check on Ronnie, which she always believed.
And, as luck would have it, I forgot all about the bag of fish heads in the back seat. As it was a nice night and there was no sign of rain, I didn’t think to roll the windows up. Big mistake. About four o’clock in the morning, something woke me. I heard sounds in the yard, even with the T.V. still on and Ronnie snoring away in his chair.
I walked softly into the living room and peeked out the window. There was a small black bear sitting in the back seat of my car and wolfing down fish heads. I couldn’t believe it and screamed for Ronnie as loud as I could. This startled the bear, but didn’t phase Ronnie, who was evidently in a mullet-induced coma. After a moment the bear went back to eating while staring through the window. I figured he’d finish off the fish heads and go back into the woods eventually, so I went back to bed.
The next morning I went out to the car to see if it had torn up my upholstery. The seats were still intact, but smelled to high heaven of fish heads. Scrub as I would, the smell remained, making me have to drive with the windows open, hoping it would air out. As usual, Ronnie didn’t mind the smell at all, so I started driving his truck and letting him take my car. Then one night, I was awakened again. Looked outside, and there was that bear, sniffing the car and leaning in the back window. Guess he smelled what was left of the fish odor.
That taught me a lesson. The next time Ronnie came home with a mess of fish, I told him to put the fish heads in a bag and sling it way out into the woods behind the house. That would keep the bear way away from the house and the car. I went to bed thinking I had fixed the bear problem, but was in for a surprise. Late that night, something woke me up. Surely the bear wouldn’t be attracted to the car with that bag of fish heads way out back. I tiptoed to the window.
Darned if that bear hadn’t drug the bag of fish heads up into the yard and onto the hood of my car. It sat there eating them contentedly and staring through the window. “Ronnie!” I hollered. “Wake up and do something!” I yelled when he didn’t budge. Finally I shook him till he came to.
He gave a grunt and began rubbing his eyes. “What’s up?” he asked.
“That bear is sitting on the hood of my car, staring through the window, and eating fish heads.” I explained hastily.
At that, he got up and stumbled over to the window. “I think it can see the T.V. from where it’s sitting,” he stated.
“So what? Why did it drag those fish heads up on my car to eat them?” I questioned angrily. “
Maybe”, he laughed, “it thinks it’s at the Drive-In!”
