“Would you put his diaper back on? I can’t believe you’d let him run around stark naked out here!” admonished Katy.
“For gosh sakes. He can yank them things off faster than I can put them back on!” replied Martha Ann as she rounded up Floye, her one-year-old toddler.
“I hope I never have kids. Ever’ time I think about it, here you come with your herd of wild animals,” Katy said as she turned over on her beach blanket.
“Shoot, you git used to ‘em. You just have to prime yourself to be on ‘go’ all the time,” mused Martha Ann.
Martha Ann had invited her best friend, Katy, to the beach with her and her family for the weekend. Her family included Buster and Skipper (her five-year-old twin boys), Britany (her three-year-old daughter), Floye (the toddler) and her husband, Elmar. Elmar usually stayed in the motel room while Martha Ann wrestled the kids to the beach. He’d sit there, sulking and feeling neglected, until the races came on T.V. Meanwhile, Martha Ann knew she had until 6 o’clock, when the races went off, to let the kids wind down.
“Why are you thinking about having kids anyway? You ain’t even snagged a husband yet!” commented Martha Ann.
“That jest shows how much you know. I had three dates with your nephew J.J. last month,” stated Katy indignantly.
“No wonder - he’s near-sighted as a jellyfish. What’d you do? Hide his glasses?” snickered Martha Ann as she fetched a milk bottle out of her beach bag.
“Katy, would you please git Buster and Skipper out of the water? I think I see a dern shark out there!” said Martha Ann.
“You ain’t never heard of a dolphin before?” sneered Katy.
“What’d you say?” asked Martha Ann as she raced off after Britany. “Katy! Why’d you let Floye sit there and eat dirt?” questioned Martha Ann as she returned with Britany, who was kicking and screaming to be let down.
“That ain’t dirt. That’s sand,” remarked Katy.
By six o’clock, Martha Ann, Katy, and the children were water-logged, sand-packed and sunburnt. “Elmar! Open up!” hollered Martha Ann as she banged on the motel door.
“Shoot - I was taking me a nap. Why’d you wake me up?” asked Elmar, ignoring his wife’s evil-eye. Katy took a long, leisurely shower while Martha Ann fumed at the door.
“Would you come on! I got to git the sand offa these kids before I let ‘em git on the beds,” she yelled.
“Cool it! Motel’s don’t run outa water!” Katy yelled back. But by the time the kids got washed up and fed, Martha Ann was running out of steam. She still hadn’t gotten a shower and had sand sticking to her sunburnt skin. The children finally whined themselves to sleep, Martha Ann slumbered away, sitting up in a chair, and Katy and Elmar stayed up late drinking beer while they played cards.
The next morning, Elmar and Katy slept in while Martha Ann got the kids rounded up and the station-wagon packed. Katy finally got up when the twins decided to play ‘bombs away’ on her bed. Then, she claimed she was going down to the motel’s restaurant to fetch breakfast for everyone. As check-out time drew near, she still hadn’t returned. Elmar got up because he was worried Martha Ann would drive off without him (something she always threatened to do when she was mad). “Where’s my breakfast?” he grumbled.
“Katy went to get it. I bet she’s sittin’ there on her fat behind sipping’ a cup of coffee and flirting with the cook so he’ll give her extra hash browns.” Martha Ann shot back.
At last, Katy got back with the food. “Yu’all sit out here on the curb and eat. I done got the motel room lookin’ like humans stayed here, instead of a pack of monkeys,” commanded Martha Ann as she handed out paper plates to everyone.
“You, too!” She added as Elmar held out his hand for his breakfast. “Put some more air in them tires, Elmar!” suggested Martha Ann as they pulled into a nearby gas-station.
“I gotta pee!” shouted everyone else.
“We only been in the car for five minutes,” sighed Martha Ann.
The next day, she got up early and made Elmar’s breakfast while the kids were still asleep. Then, she cleaned up the car and got Elmar’s work clothes ready. After he rode off to work, their nextdoor neighbor came rushing over to hear about Martha Ann’s day at the beach.
“Well, I took Katy along to help with the kids, but that was a lost cause,” mumbled Martha Ann, as she dragged herself over to the stove to cook breakfast for the rest of the family.
“You are so lucky to have a husband that will take you all to the beach. I’ll bet you really needed that rest and relaxation!” her neighbor went on. Martha Ann just glared at her and turned on the stove.
